


Creepy Rarely Gets You Laid

by goddess_julie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 14:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2471510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddess_julie/pseuds/goddess_julie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis and Zayn have recently broken up and are friends.  Louis enlists Zayn's help in meeting the hot guy across the quad.  Zayn manages to find them both someone new.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Creepy Rarely Gets You Laid

**Author's Note:**

> Short little fluffy piece. Had a prompt that used 'break ups that result in just friends, a pair of binoculars and a lucky charm. Lucky charm was immediately forgotten and not included. This was just a little blurb that I didn't expect. Enjoy.

“When you said we should still be friends, I wasn’t expecting this.” Zayn looked over at Louis who was hiding behind a tree, poking his head out just enough so that his forehead was visible. “And furthermore, how can you see anything if you’re hiding your entire face behind that tree?”

“Zayn Malik, are you or are you not going to help me?”

“Considering I don’t know what we’re doing, I’m going to go with no.” Zayn ducked his head back down so he could continue writing in his journal, ignoring Louis as best he could.

“I told you what we were doing here, we’re spying.”

Adjusting his position on the blanket he’d laid out on the grass, Zayn set down his journal and sighed. He was going to need his full attention to deal with Louis, especially when he was in this kind of mood. “You know, I’m not finding it hard to remember why we broke up. Seeing that you’re psycho and…” The rest of his sentence was cut off by Louis’ sharp shriek and his entire body launching from behind the tree to beside Zayn on the blanket.

“They’re coming this way. HIDE!”

Zayn casually looked around. There were a considerable amount of people in the park that day, but none were even close to approaching them. And definitely not close enough to warrant Louis overreacting the way he just had. 

“Seriously though Lou, what exactly is your damage? Because I’m actually kind of sad for you right now.”

“Look behind you.” Louis gasps when Zayn immediately turns to look. “NO. NOT NOW. Make it less obvious. He’s the fit guy wearing the plaid shirt, jeans and snapback. He’s with the curly haired kid who’s got a god awful jacket on.”

Slowly, so as not to start Louis off on another panic attack, Zayn turns. He sees, a few hundred feet away, the two blokes that Louis was describing. To be honest, he couldn’t see them all that well and admitted so much to Louis.

He didn’t expect Louis to grin and dig into his bag. “Here, use these. It’ll make it easier.

Zayn’s jaw dropped as he watched the other man present him with a pair of binoculars. “Seriously?”

Louis gave him a sweet smile, innocence decorating his face. “What?”

“So you asked me here, your ex boyfriend, who honestly we haven’t been exes all that long…”

“Please Zayn, our break up was amicable. In fact, we’re probably closer now than we were when we were fucking.”

It was the truth so Zayn didn’t bother arguing. “Still, shouldn’t this be awkward?”

Louis rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Focus Zayn. We need to start operation have that fit bloke fuck me long and hard. And often, so fucking often.”

“Fine,” Zayn sighed as he brought the binoculars to his eyes. He had to admit, the guy Louis was ogling was pretty fit. Not exactly his type, but still, “Do we know a name?”

“Fit as fuck dude?”

“So that’s a no.” Zayn looked at the two men and then he looked at Louis who was practically bouncing on his knees, watching Zayn watch the strangers. In that moment, he made a decision. “Mate, I’ll be back.”

He vaguely heard Louis shriek a response, but Zayn was up and across the lawn before Louis could argue. And knowing Louis, he would be too curious to see what Zayn was going to do, to stop him. He slowed down his pace as he approached, waiting for a break in the conversation to interrupt.

“Well hello,” the curly haired lad spoke, voice deep and lips curled into a wide smile. Zayn momentarily lost his train of thought in the depth of his dimple and the green eyes looking up at him. “Please, how can I help you?”

“Haz, down.” The other lad spoke, almost embarrassed. 

Zayn looked down at the man Louis had been drooling over and remembered his mission. “Hi. I’m Zayn. That guy sitting over there, under that tree on the red blanket.” He watched the two look over and shield their eyes. They were squinting to see and Zayn laughed. “Yeah, that’s why I came over. His name is Louis. He’s my ex-boyfriend and probably my best friend.”

Hi Zayn, ex-boyfriend and best friend to Louis, ‘M Harry,” the curly haired lad raised his hand to shake Zayn’s.

“Liam,” Liam said, following Harry’s lead and offering his hand.

“Well Liam, my friend Louis thinks that you’re fit and would like to be in a position to have you fuck him. I’m here to speed up the process and to help him to not hinder his chances by being creepy as fuck and watching you from afar, stalking you.”

Harry’s grin widened even further, causing for Zayn’s groin to tighten. “That is very generous of you to do for him Zayn. You are a very kind and selfless person.”

Zayn ignored the blush that crept up his cheeks, biting his lip before he embarrassed himself. He cleared his throat and nodded towards the spot Louis was sitting. “So yeah, did you want to come over? Meet him and maybe …”

“Fuck him?” Harry supplied.

Zayn shrugged. “I can vouch for him, he’s brilliant in bed. Best shag I’ve ever had if I’m being honest.”

“I’m better.” Harry stated, leering without shame.

“Haz.”

“No Leeyum, I think it’s only fair. Zayn here has laid down a gauntlet, claiming that Louis is the best shag he’s ever had. I think that to make that assessment…”

“I only top,” Zayn countered.

“I can work with that.”

“You’ve got a lot to live up to.”

“I’ll have you bottoming before you’ve registered the fact you’re begging me for my cock, I’m not worried.”

“Guys,” Liam growled, catching both of their attention. “If I’m not correct, you came over here to introduce me to Louis.”

Harry jumped up and brushed the grass off of his jeans. Liam followed suit and Zayn led them over. Louis was watching them, partially in awe, partially frozen in shock. When they approached, Louis’ cheeks were red and his eyes wide.

“Lou, this is Liam and Harry. Liam and Harry, this is my friend Louis.”

“Zayn tells us you’re the best shag he’s ever had,” Harry introduces with a smirk

“He’s not wrong about that, mate.” Louis says confidently, resting his weight on his arms behind him.

“I promised I’d prove him wrong. So Louis, Liam, we’ll see you later.”

Louis’ jaw dropped and Zayn gave him an unapologetic shrug. 

“Oh, and Lou? Leeyum likes his blowjobs with a hint of teeth. And when he’s fucking you, he likes to be called Daddy.”

Both Louis and Zayn gasp at Harry’s confession, Liam only putting his head in his hands in embarrassment.

“Personal experience?” Zayn asked, curious. 

Harry only shook his head. “Oh no, Leemo and I don’t fuck. We just have pretty thin walls in our flat.” With a coy smile, Harry winked at Louis. “And if you like dirty talk, you’re in for a treat. Liam’s a pro.”

“Fuck Haz, fuck off you fucking wanker.”

“See, filthy mouth. Make him use it.”

Zayn’s eyes are on Liam who doesn’t look embarrassed any longer so much as proud of Harry’s claims. He sees Louis look at the other man, his own smile hungry and feral. 

“Gonna make me beg for it?”

“Not gonna get it if you don’t,” Liam promised with a low, growl.

“What if I’m a bad boy?” Louis asks, eyes downcast and lower lip in a pout.

“Bad boys get punished. Bad boys get their bottoms spanked.

“Fuck,” Louis groans. He’s on his feet in mere seconds, his bag over his shoulder and Liam’s hand in his. “Let’s go. We can exchange last names and zodiac signs after you fuck me. After you make me take your come.”

With that, Harry and Zayn are alone, mirroring grins on their faces. “I wasn’t kidding,” Harry said. “I’m going to prove to you that I’m a better shag than Louis.”

“Oh you’d better,” Zayn smiles. “Just gonna have to buy me dinner first. I’m not a slag like my ex. Gonna have to treat me proper.”

“Not gonna know what hit you Zayn,” Harry promised. “Let’s go, I’m starving all of a sudden, and someone insisted on dinner before sex.”  
“I’m a proper lady,” Zayn laughed. “Gonna make you work for it.”

“I’m always up for a challenge.”

Zayn grinned. “Game on.”


End file.
